<![CDATA[ginger root - Blog]]>Sat, 09 Mar 2019 05:28:55 -0800Weebly<![CDATA[February 14th, 2019]]>Thu, 14 Feb 2019 16:43:50 GMThttp://gingerroot.garden/blog/february-14th-2019
  1. It has been seven years and I still do not know if there is healing here
  2. some days I am a victim, others a survivor. there are world wars between those words
  3. there are still days when I cannot get out of bed because I feel all of his weight on top of me
  4. he remembers the title of my favorite book and finds that reason enough to dismiss the idea that he assaulted me
  5. I find myself realizing and remembering more and more of my interactions with men have been turned into trauma
  6. I do not feel like an inspiration. I do not feel like I survived.
  7. Surviving is not always poetic. Surviving does not always sound like a roar. Surviving does not always have bared teeth and a raised fist. Surviving is not always strength. Surviving does not always have a voice. Sometimes, surviving is sleeping all day because you saw him and want to start over tomorrow. Sometimes, surviving is crying is class because you cannot afford any more skips. Sometimes, surviving is going hungry because you do not want to see him in passing.
  8. Sometimes, surviving is just surviving, because that’s all you can do.
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<![CDATA[sick week]]>Fri, 08 Feb 2019 15:41:00 GMThttp://gingerroot.garden/blog/sick-week I've been dealing with mental and physical health problems for as long as I can remember. 

This past week has been more trying than normal. I have asthma, IBS, and several mental health issues but the most prominent being PTSD and Bipolar II. I started out the week dealing very heavily with asthma issues and IBS issues, and then developed a cough I was worried was bronchitis. I was also finishing up new medication, and did not refill it because I am seeming my psychiatrist in two days (a week after I ran out).

The sickness turned out to be more of a chest cold, which I was thankful for, but still put a lot of stress and strain on my body. I slept almost an entire day because I was so sore and tired and could not breathe well. My inhaler was very helpful. I smoked a little to ease some pain, and had a very negative and scary reaction. I was hearing very many voices, shouting, taking, screaming, laughing, etc. None of them were me or anything I've ever heard before. It was overwhelming. But as soon as it came on, it left.

I also began to go through withdrawal of my medication, which I have never experienced before with any other medication I've been on (and it has been many). I had nausea, dizziness, dissociation, irritability... I could not tell if it was my period, or the medication (because my symptoms get worse over my period as well). 

It was a really rough week, which is why I didn't make any posts on patreon or ko-fi.

However: I did manage to get my instance up and running for myself! I finished my Code of Conduct (although I may be adding more to it soon), and the subdomain site for stardew.city as well. Despite being incredibly ill, I managed to get a small task done which was helpful. I missed a lot of work, which is stressful, but I think I will be okay.]]>